


Kind Words

by LetoaSai



Series: Pen Pals [1]
Category: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VIII, Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anxiety, Genderfluid Character, Implied abuse, M/M, Moving In Together, Pansexual Character, Pen Pals, Texting, childhood crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 12:46:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17345483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LetoaSai/pseuds/LetoaSai
Summary: Squall and Cloud have been pen pals since they were kids and have been together most of that time. When Cloud needs some place to stay, Squall invites him to live with him.  Meeting their boyfriend in person for the first time has them both plenty anxious.





	Kind Words

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own any version of Final Fantasy or Kingdom Hearts.

It came out timidly. The uncertainty heard loud and clear even through the written text. 

 

Fenrir (1:27 a.m.): I don’t know what i’m gonna do

 

Griever (1:30 a.m.): You could come stay with me

 

Fenrir (1:31 a.m.): Don’t tease… i’m serious

 

Griever (1:35 a.m.): So am i

 

Griever (2:01 a.m.): Cloud? 

 

Fenrir (6:45 a.m.): Do you mean it? It’s a big deal even offering 

 

Griever (7:12 a.m.): I was afraid i’d scared you… I didn’t mean to… 

 

Griever (7:13 a.m.): Yes i meant it. 

 

Fenrir (7:19 a.m.): What if i ruin everything? I always do

 

Griever (7:22 a.m.): Shut up. 

 

Griever (7:23 a.m.): You don’t ruin things, everyone you know is just an asshole. If it doesn’t work out then we’ll calmly figure something else out like fucking adults

 

Griever (7:23 a.m.): It will still probably work out

 

Fenrir (7:25 a.m.): Promise?

 

Griever (7:26 a.m.): Promise. Where did you sleep last night? You disappeared

 

Fenrir (7:30 a.m.): Is it okay if i look at train schedules to Radiant Garden? I know this is last minute…

 

Griever (7:32 a.m.): I looked last night. There’s a train at noon and 8 p.m. Do you have enough money for a train ticket? Where did you sleep last night?

 

Fenrir (7:56 a.m.): Yes. I’ve been trying to save for a hotel room. I won’t make the noon. Holy fuck! It’s a 2 day ride

 

Griever (7:59 a.m.): Worth it. It will give me a little time to buy real food and make a little space for you. Where. Did. You. Sleep. Last. Night? 

 

Fenrir (8:01 a.m.) Aren’t you like… in school now? 

 

Griever (8:03 a.m.) Your point? Cloud, if you don’t tell me i’m going to be sitting here thinking of all this terrible shit. 

 

Fenrir (8:04 a.m.) ….Midgar…. But i’m okay!

 

Griever (8:10 a.m.): The fucking slums? Midgar is the fucking slums isn’t it? 

 

Fenrir (8:12 a.m.): I’m sorry. 

 

Griever (8:22 a.m.) Fuck, Cloud. I don’t want you to be sorry. I want you to be safe. 

 

Fenrir (8:24 a.m.) ..I love you

 

Griever (8:40 a.m.) I love you too. Did you buy the ticket? I’ll feel better once you’re on the damn train. 

 

Fenrir (9:00 a.m.) I’m going now. You promise it’s okay? 

 

Griever (9:07 a.m.): I promise. What are you gonna do with your stuff? 

 

Fenrir: (9:13 a.m.): I’m waiting for him to leave the house. Then i’m gonna sneak in and grab whatever will fit in my duffel 

 

Griever (9:15 a.m.): ...Please be careful. Like really fucking careful. 

 

Fenrir (9:16 a.m.) It’s okay. I could do this shit in my sleep. Seriously, aren’t you in school? 

 

Griever (9:18 a.m.) You fucking want a selfie? Yes. 

 

Fenrir: (9:19 a.m.): ^__^

 

Squall gripped his phone tightly, the device easily hidden by the too long sleeves of his sweater. It was starting to get a little too warm for said sweater but it made moments like this easier. Granted, his teachers could probably care less if they spotted him texting. He’d leave before letting them confiscate his phone. It was his life line to Cloud. 

In the second grade his teachers had given them all an assignment in communication. They had been partnered up with a school across the country, and were each being paired up with a pen pal to converse with for the year. At the time it had sounded stupid. Why did he need to talk to some kid on the opposite coast?

Most of the kids in his class had been excited, but Squall hadn’t really cared. The seven year olds in his class weren’t all that interesting, what would be special about another seven year old really far away? Grown ups thought they knew shit. 

Only he liked it. He was paired up with a boy named Cloud, and his first letter was short and shy. He didn’t much talk about himself and instead asked questions about Squall. What was his school like? What did he look like? What was Radiant Garden like? Were there gardens? Did he have siblings? 

Squall found that while he wasn’t much of a talker, he could write. He spent the year writing to Cloud and decided fairly quickly that he liked his far away friend. He was quiet but smart and said funny things in his letters that Squall liked. When the year was over and the assignment completed, he’d been heart broken. 

An entire summer without letters had somehow hurt and the loss of his friend was very real. That disappointment grew the following semester when he learned that the third grade didn’t have the pen pal assignment, but that hardly stopped him. He went back to his old teacher, letter in hand and asked her to mail it with the second graders. He wanted his friend back. 

His old teacher had been touched, and with a call across the country to the partnered teacher, his letters and Clouds were once again added to the mix. Knowing that Cloud had felt similarly had warmed him. He’d made a really good far away friend.

Fourth and fifth grade had been the same with letters been set back and forth via their second grade teachers, but when Squall had turned eleven, another change occurred. 

 

_I’m not going to school next year. I’m gonna do a stay at home school program. I don’t want to but they said i had to. You know, Hojo did. I have to. My teacher helped me make an e-mail though. I’ll write it on the bottom for you. I can check it on my library trips. Is that okay? I know i can’t send letters at home. I want to keep writing to you, Squall. You’re my best friend. Please._

 

It was the first time Squall had felt his heart in a vise and he’d gone straight back to his old teacher to ask her to help him make his own e-mail. He had one more letter he got to write and it would have his new information in it if it was the last thing he did. He wasn’t going to lose Cloud. 

E-mailing had been hard that first year, but it got easier over time. They both got a little bit older and with that came a little more freedom. Cloud was able to make it to the library more often and Squall could use the school computers. Sometimes he would write Cloud a letter a day, and receive answers back in bulk when Cloud was finally able to respond. It wasn’t a perfect system, but it worked. 

The introduction to cell phones had made things so much easier for the pair. Squall got his at fifteen but had to wait another year before Cloud secretly got one of his own. Since then, they spoke daily. 

Every single day. 

Their texts resembled more the letters they were used to sending then the text messages most kids their age were used to sending, but that suited them.

At eighteen, they’d never actually met in person, but they were about to.

By ten o’clock Squall was glaring at his phone as if it was the cause of all his problems. Cloud hadn’t responded yet. Fuck, what if he’d gone inside and something happened? He couldn’t even text, too afraid Cloud left the sound on his phone and a fucking notification noise was not going to ruin everything. Cloud had said he would wait for Hojo to leave but…

Squalls scowl only grew. This is what happened when he didn’t have all the information. He fretted and imagined every horrible possibility. He wouldn’t be able to calm down until Cloud responded again. 

His friends home life had never been good. It had been glossed over in the first year or two of their letters but Squall had always seen hints of something not quite right. When Cloud admitted to being a foster kid, he wasn’t surprised, but the last family he’d gotten stuck with was just awful. Hojo was the biggest bastard there was and Squall had been wishing since he was twelve that he could protect his friend. 

He couldn’t do anything but write to cheer Cloud up. All he had was words.

“What’s the matter with you?” Rinoa asked, nudging Squall when the bell to change classes had rung and he didn’t give any indication that he noticed. 

“Nothing.” 

“Oh bullshit,” She rolled her eyes but there was a faint smile there too. “Talk to me.” 

Squall shook his head. “Just waiting for a text,” he muttered, pocketing his phone and grabbing his backpack he carried around with him. 

Rinoa’s smile remained. “Something new or just talking to that pen pal of yours?” He shrugged, but that seemed to give her all the answers she was after. “It’s super sweet. It’s been like ten years now, right? It’s your longest friendship for sure.” 

“Yeah,” He shrugged again. “Whatever.” 

She huffed something that sounded like, “Boys,” in an exasperated tone. Squall had no idea what she wanted from him. All of his friends knew about Cloud but that was it. Cloud was his friend, and he was fiercely protective over that. If any of this friends thought the long distance friendship was odd, then they kept it to themselves. 

Irvine appeared at their sides, joining them for their next class. “Morning! Rinoa, you’re looking lovely.” 

She chuckled and offered him a light shove. “Hey Irvine. You sound way too excited to be heading to Chemistry.” 

“Yeah, but i can been excited to see two of my favorite people, right Squall?” Irvine grinned and reached out to poke Squall when he was ignored. “Right?” 

“What?” Squall frowned. 

“Okay, grumpy. What’s your problem?” 

“He’s waiting for a text,” Rinoa teased lightly. The topic was old but never forgotten. 

Irvine laughed, “Awe, you tell your mystery boy i said hi.” 

Squall sighed and fought the urge to not to skip his next class. “Idiot.” 

“Oh, that’s not nice. I was just being friendly, man.” 

“You know how he is about his calls.” Rinoa said, walking into their next classroom. They still had a few minutes before the bell rang again and Squall just continued to stare at his phone angrily. “Is…” She began slowly, starting to take the hint that this wasn’t quite like normal. “Is he okay? You seem really tense about hearing from him today.” 

Both teens looked at Squall for an answer but his eyes never lifted to meet theirs. “Things have been hard lately,” he finally mumbled. “Just...shit isn’t fair.” 

Rinoa reached out to rub his shoulder. “I’m sorry. Things can always turn around though.” 

Squall finally shifted to look at her. “Yeah. Hopefully soon.” 

“He’s lucky, you know.” Irvine smiled a little. “I won’t pretend i know what’s going on, but he’s got you to talk to. That’s more than some. I’d say he’s lucky to have someone worried about him. There for him and all that stuff.” 

It was a nice thing to say, really, but Squall wanted more than to just be there verbally. Being there verbally didn’t make the nightmares go away. They didn’t protect Cloud from the monsters that lived in his own house. All he could do was answer his phone when Cloud called or texted at all hours of the morning. 

“Thanks,” Squall said softly. 

“That was sweet, Irvine.” Rinoa commented, getting a cheeky grin in response. 

Squall returned to zoning out and ignoring his class. He could follow along well enough without paying full attention. Maybe he could risk one text? 

He quickly decided against it and returned to reading their conversation from that morning. The words were merely text but he could hear Cloud’s fear in them every bit as much as if he’d spoken them. Offering his friend a place to stay had happened so naturally that he’d hardly realized he’d done it. 

He wanted to do it. He wanted to meet Cloud after all this time. Finally he could have him close enough to touch and hug. To shield him from all of the assholes who seemed to have a problem with him some days. He’d been waiting years for a chance like this. 

The rest of the morning went by agonizingly slow and it wasn’t until lunch at a response finally came through 

 

Fenrir (12:09 p.m.): Got everything i think. You’re sure this is okay? 

 

Squall sighed, relief slamming into him at the lunch table and it didn’t go unnoticed. Rinoa shushing everyone was the only thing that kept them from asking questions. 

 

Griever: (12:09 p.m.): It took a long time.. I was starting to get worried

 

Like out of his mind worried, but even that was pushed away to be able to handle Cloud’s uncertainties. He’d grown into a habit of apologizing for things that weren’t his fault and asking things over and over again if he was being a burden. It was one of many ways he expressed his anxieties. 

 

Fenrir (12:12 p.m.): I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to make it obvious i’d been in there stealing shit. I tried to take my time and cover my tracks. 

 

Griever (12:13 p.m.): It was your stuff! He doesn’t need your clothes and stuff. Don’t feel bad about taking your things back

 

Fenrir (12:13 p.m.): I know… 

 

Yeah, he knew but he still felt guilty. He still felt like he was the bad guy in this situation. It was just one more thing that had happened over the years. Squall decided to switch tactics. 

 

Griever (12:16 p.m.): I’m really excited to see you

 

Fenrir (12:20 p.m.): Really? 

 

He could hear it, Cloud’s shy mumble. He wanted to tell Cloud that he didn’t have to let his insecurities win, but they were just words. Maybe it would be easier in person to reassure Cloud that he was loved. 

 

Griever (12:21 p.m.): Really. You know i’ve wanted to see you for a long time. 

 

Fenrir (12:23 p.m.): We see each other all the time

 

Griever (12:24 p.m.): You know damn well what i mean. Don’t you want to see me?

 

Fenrir (12:24 p.m.): Of course i do! 

 

Fenrir (12:25 p.m.): I just don’t want to put you out or be in the way

 

Griever (12:26 p.m.): You won’t be in the way. If you take the 8 p.m. train when will you be here?

 

Fenrir (12:30 p.m.): Not sure, but i think around 5 or 6 friday evening. Is that okay?

 

Griever (12:32 p.m.): I’ll look it up on my end, i’ll meet you when you get off the train

 

Fenrir (12:33 p.m.): Really? 

 

Griever (12:34 p.m.): Wouldn’t miss it

 

“Let’s go, Squall.” Selphie nudged him. “Lunch is over.” 

“Sure,” He muttered, putting his phone away and grabbing his bag. It was almost surprising to him that he’d found time to eat. 

“Dude, you got it bad,” Zell said. “You didn’t say a single word all through lunch.” 

Selphie laughed, “You say that like Squall is usually so chatty.” 

“All of you are nosy,” Rinoa said, linking her arm with Squall’s. “It’s nice you have your friend to talk to.” 

"Yeah, a 'friend'." Selphie and Zell's gossip was laced with laughter.

Squall shrugged and didn’t respond. They didn’t get it. Cloud was so much more than a friend he chatted with. So much more than a crush.

“Hey, we're all meeting up with Irvine friday night?” Quistis asked, running a hand through her hair. “He’s called for a movie night.” 

“Sweet, which means we’ll probably end up grabbing food afterwards. I’m in.” Zell grinned. 

“Me too,” Selphie nodded. 

“Yeah,” Rinoa agreed. “Squall? You coming?” 

“What?” He looked at up her. 

“Friday. You coming.” 

Squall shook his head. “No, i have plans friday night.” 

Zell snorted, “C’mon Squall. All of your friends are gonna be there friday. Try again.” 

“You don’t know all of my friends,” Squall blinked back at him. “So sorry, but i have plans friday.” 

“We get it,” Rinoa smiled. “But you’re coming next time. It’s only fair.” 

“Yeah, okay.” Squall shrugged. “Fine.” 

He returned to class with Zell but was already making a mental note of what he needed to get done. He lived in alone in a one bedroom apartment and things were more or less tidy. He could straighten up his bathroom but as far as cleaning went, he didn’t have to panic. He could hit a grocery store tonight to restock is fridge and cabinets. 

He couldn’t very well make an awful first impression by not being able to offer food. Something so slight might have been the norm for a regular eighteen year old but Squall had had ten years to get to know Cloud. 

Something like not having food would make Cloud nervous and have him feeling unwanted. Some days his anxiety was awful and he over thought things until he was sure he was the problem. Squall had promised them both that he would never make Cloud feel like that on purpose. 

“See you tomorrow, Squall!” He heard Selphie yell at the end of the day as he headed to his car and he threw his arm up in a wave of acknowledgement. He didn’t have time to linger like he usually might have. He needed to get ready for Cloud and still have his homework done. Granted, he didn’t much care about his homework today but that didn’t mean he could afford to pretend it didn’t exist. 

Hours, he could literally count down Cloud’s arrival to hours. 

~

He was still at the store when his phone chimed. 

 

Fenrir (7:42 p.m.): I'm here. I can board now. Your sure it’s okay?

 

Griever (7:43 p.m.): Please tell me you’re getting on the train. I would not invite you and wait until you bought a ticket and encourage you to pack only to back out now. 

 

Fenrir (7:45 p.m.): I’m sorry. I’m getting on now

 

Griever (7:46 p.m.): I don’t want you to be sorry. I want you to feel comfortable coming here 

 

Fenrir (7:54 p.m.): Made it and found my compartment. Never been on a train before, it’s fun. I’m sorry i’m so freaked out.

 

Squall wished he knew what to say in moments like these. “Fun” meant he was terrified to be on the train by himself. Casually mentioning he was freaking out meant he was battling falling into a full blown panic attack. 

 

Griever (8:00 p.m.): I’m so proud of you. This is hard but i promise i’ll be there when you get off the train

 

Fenrir (8:01 p.m.): i love you

 

Griever (8:03 p.m.): I love you too. You know you can text me all night, right? Are you sharing the compartment? 

 

Fenrir: (8:09 p.m.): I might… and so far it’s just me. It might change tomorrow morning when there’s a stop at Traverse Town.

 

Griever (8:11 p.m.): Enjoy the time alone, wolf

 

Griever (8:12 p.m.): you like… don’t have any food allergies right? I’m not trying to take you out with a strawberry or something

 

Fenrir (8:13 p.m.): LOL no allergies. Are you shopping? 

 

Griever (8:15 p.m.): Gotta eat, yeah

 

Fenrir (8:16 p.m.): Why are you so amazing? 

 

Griever (8:20 p.m.): All part of the plan to get you to fall in love with me 

 

Fenrir (8:21 p.m.): It’s working

 

They were used to talking nearly non stop no matter what they were doing so Squall continued shopping and didn’t stop texting until he started driving. He wanted to get as much done as he could tonight and be ready for friday. 

Cloud was already going to be twitching at being on a train for nearly two days. The least he could do was make sure he was comfortable when they got home. 

He should probably do laundry… Fresh towels and clean sheets would probably be a good idea too. Squall didn’t know yet where Cloud would sleep but the couch would be okay until he bought an air mattress or something. He wouldn’t be totally opposed to sharing his bed but it was way too soon to throw something like that at Cloud. 

For all the knew each others every secret, they didn’t know how to physically be around the other. That was going to take time to learn. 

As soon as he got home he put his groceries away and went about straightening up his apartment and throwing a load of laundry in. Maybe Cloud wouldn’t live with him forever, but for whatever time there was, he was going to enjoy it. 

With his apartment looking nice and his homework done before he’d gone to the store, he made himself a small dinner and returned to texting Cloud. 

~

The hours were getting shorter to Cloud’s arrival and Squall was showing the first signs of his own anxiety. Would Cloud be any happier with him than he had been at home? Being able to protect Cloud was what he’d wanted for years. Could he fail at it? Would it be different in person? 

He’d gone to school the following day with his phone sadly silent all morning. Squall had fallen asleep just after two in the morning but he knew Cloud was likely to have stayed up later and slept most of the morning on the train. Cloud would often sleep when he was stressed. 

“What’s the matter?” Rinoa asked, sitting next to him at lunch. “You’re looking fidgety and i have to say, that’s never a word i thought i could use with you. Everything okay?” 

“Yeah, i guess.” Squall muttered. “Yeah.” 

He was tired for sure with barely four hours of sleep but that wasn’t often uncommon for him. He did try to keep Cloud’s nocturnal schedule. 

“You know, i’m starting to worry about you a little.” Rinoa said. She was speaking softly enough that the others at the table weren’t paying them any mind. “Was Seifer being an asshole again?” 

Squall snorted, “No.” It was true that it hadn’t been a good day when Seifer had found out that Squall was gay, but he wasn’t stupid enough to pick a fight. Seifer knew it wouldn’t be good should Squall really decide to retaliate. 

“Good.” Rinoa said, sounding like she meant it. “Something else then?” 

He realized then that he was fidgeting and fought the urge to roll his eyes at his own behavior. Maybe telling her wouldn’t be such a bad thing. “I’m meeting Cloud tomorrow.” 

Rinoa’s brows rose in surprise. “Oh, okay. That’s exciting though right? You’ve never met him in person before.” 

“Yeah. It is exciting, just…” 

Her smile softened, “You really like that guy, don’t you?” 

“Yes,” Squall mumbled. “I like him a lot. I just don’t want to fuck this up somehow.” 

“You’ve been talking to him since you were a kid. At this point i think it’s safe to say you know him really well.” Rinoa said, doing her best to sound reasonable. 

Squall nodded. “I know that. I mean, of course i know him but meeting someone for the first time is still a big deal. I don’t want to mess it up.” 

“You won’t,” Rinoa said as if it was the most simple thing in the world. “Hey, is that why you’re busy tomorrow night?” 

“Yeah,” Squall muttered. “Just want his first day here to go well.” 

“Awe, it will.” Rinoa smiled at him. “You know it will. It will because you’re fretting about it. You’re going to do everything you can to make it a nice visit.” 

“Thank you,” he muttered, feeling at least a little better. Maybe he did just need to find agreement from a secondary source to relax. 

The thought had him wincing just slightly. Cloud had come to be that way on certain matters; looking for agreement or approval. Squall had often reminded him that they were both allowed to have different opinions but it was still a very fine line to cross. 

“What kind of stuff are you guys gonna do tomorrow?” Rinoa asked, snapping him from his thoughts. “You could bring him to the movie and dinner, you know?” 

“No,” Squall said quickly, possibly too quickly. “No offence, but you know how everyone is when they’re together. Too loud, too personal, it would be way too much especially right after he got here. He’s shy to start with.” 

Rinoa nodded once. “I guess so. We could try telling everyone to keep it down around him.” 

Squall snorted, “Rinoa, he makes me look like an extrovert. Maybe later but seriously not tomorrow.” 

“I hear you,” Rinoa nodded once and smirked, “And i guess you want to keep him to yourself a little. I’ve never even seen a picture of this guy. Do you have one?” 

He ignored her and the fact that he was turning red. “No.” He had dozens. 

“Liar,” She bumped her shoulder against his and let the subject drop. She was nice enough to do that for him while he was already fretting. He only had two and a half more hours and he could go home. 

 

Fenrir (4:17 p.m.): I might have lucked out! 

 

Griever (4:23 p.m.): Yeah? 

 

Fenrir (4:25 p.m.): I think i’ll get to keep the compartment to myself. I was worried but a lot of people got off on the Twilight Town stop.

 

Griever (4:29 p.m.): Bad ass. Call me later if it’s still empty? 

 

Fenrir (4:31 p.m.): K

 

Squall wandered around his apartment, looking for things to straight up that maybe he didn’t notice. He made sure the bathroom was clean and there was actually a roll of paper towels in the holder. Why was this so nerve wracking? 

He knew Cloud. He KNEW him, but everything needed to be perfect and comfortable. His phone went off several times but it was other people. His father checking in, Rinoa seeing how he was, Zell trying to talk him into coming out with them friday. Maybe he was obsessing but he just wanted to talk to Cloud right now. 

 

Fenrir (9:32 p.m.): Hey...is it too late to call? Do you still want to?

 

Griever (9:40 p.m.): Not late and yes

 

Squall sat on his bed and waited a few beats before hearing the loud ring of his phone. Cloud always got nervous calling without some kind of warning beforehand. He propped his phone up on a pile of pillows and answered the video call. 

“Hey, you look pretty.” 

Cloud laughed softly. “Shut up. I don’t. I look a mess from hardly leaving this little room. So glad i don’t have to share it yet.” 

He was wearing a wig, his only wig that was the exact color blond of his natural hair. Squall couldn’t see much but he could see that, and the obvious signs that Cloud had done his makeup at some point. The mascara was dark and it suited him just like the oddly dark plum shade of his lipstick. 

It had been nice when they were younger to have someone to talk to about the changes they were going though. When Squall had decided he was probably gay or at the very least bisexual around fourteen, Cloud had been the first one to know. The fact that Cloud had always supported him had meant the world to him. 

Others found out little by little when he was sixteen but no other opinions or labels had mattered because Cloud still loved him. That had been another huge moment between them too, Squall telling Cloud he loved him. 

It wasn’t a passing comment or a casual feeling that one could have about their family and friends. It was as real as Squall had ever felt and Cloud had responded in kind, crying over the phone because the person he’d loved so much loved him back. 

Cloud’s own struggles hadn’t been any easier but Squall was there for him any way he could be. Cloud had decided that he liked men early on, but told Squall that that had been the easier of all of his revelations. It was much harder for him to be who he was, mostly because he didn’t know. 

Some days he was Cloud - the boy version, and others he was was Cloud - the girl version. They were titles he’d jokingly given himself when trying to explain it to Squall for the first time, but all Squall saw was his friend trying to hide behind the laughter. 

“I like Cloud as a boy and a girl, or both, or neither.” Squall had told him. “I just like Cloud in general.” 

That had made Cloud cry all over again, but happy tears were better than sad ones. As far as Squall knew, he’d been the only one to see Cloud as a woman, and Cloud was a beautiful woman. 

“Whatever, i wouldn’t lie. You’re beautiful, like always.” Squall said, watching as Cloud’s cheeks turned pink. 

He could hear the train moving in a quiet rumble but it wasn’t as bad as he had been expecting. 

“I got to grab all of my girl stuff,” Cloud finally mumbled. “Not that there was much to take. It was hidden so Hojo never found it. I really hope i didn’t forget anything because i never want to go back there.” 

“Hopefully you never will,” Squall agreed. “Is your hair braided? You said you sucked at braiding.” 

That pulled another smile out of Cloud. “Yeah, but i’ve had a lot of time on this fucking thing to practice. It looks okay?” 

“From what i can see, it looks great. You look great. You stealing lipsticks again?” 

“I only did that once!” Cloud huffed, “And i felt awful about it for a month. No, this was a gift from my music teacher. She said it would like nice on me. I feel a little bad i never showed her.” 

Squall shook his head. “She didn’t give it to you so she could see it. It was for you.” 

“I know,” Cloud muttered. “I told her goodbye before heading to the train station. She was the only one really.” 

“I know, at least i figured.” Squall said. “I’m sorry everything has been such a pain in the ass, but i’m not sorry you’re coming.” 

Getting one of Cloud’s shy smiles had been one of his greatest accomplishments once. Even now it was amazing. “I’m excited too, but also scared. What if you don’t like me?” 

“I already like you.” 

“What if you don’t like me in your apartment?” 

“What if you don’t like me in my apartment?” Squall asked. “You and i will both need to figure it out and after a little time i really think it will be fine. Stay with me. Stay forever. If you don’t like it here then at least stay with me until you’ve saved up for your own place. You will never find yourself homeless.” 

“Forever?” Cloud asked, smiling still as he latched onto the one word. “We might be getting a little ahead of ourselves but that sounds nice.” 

“I have been talking to you for more than half of my life now.” Squall chuckled. “I don’t think i’m rushing in that statement. I don’t know what i’d do without you.” 

Cloud actually moved to wipe his hand across his eyes and Squall was somewhat impressed it hadn’t come back black. Was good mascara… “It’s you though. Fuck Squall, what would i have done without you? It’s not like i could have even fallen back into foster care. I’m eighteen, they’re done with me.” 

Squall sighed, wishing he could stop making Cloud cry, it was worse some days than others. “I don’t want to lose you. My apartment is tiny, but as long as you want to stay, i want you here. I want to be able to share what i have with you.” 

“You always have. Kind words and empathy.” Cloud said, gazing at Squall with more emotions than one person should be able to have. “I love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

“I want to be just excited and not scared.” 

Squall nodded. “I know, but it’s okay to be both.” 

Cloud laughed quietly and sniffed. “You always say the right thing. You know we could literally start a countdown to when i’ll see you. It’s only hours now.” 

“Yeah,” Squall couldn’t stop the tightness he felt in his chest. He’d been having that very same thought throughout the day. “It’s like you’re in my head.” 

“Always have been.” Cloud smiled, watching Squall’s head hit his pillow. “You don’t have to stay up. You can go to bed.” 

“It’s only ten thirty.” 

“You mean like it was only one forty-five last night and you knocked out. You have school in the morning, lion.” 

Squall made a face, “Don’t care. How many more stops do you have?” 

Cloud laughed and rearrange her position that looked uncomfortable no matter what. “Hollow Bastion in the morning then Radiant Garden. I’m still not sure if it’s five or six but they give estimates so i’ll text you.” 

“Good, i don’t want to be late.” 

“I’d forgive you.” 

“Not at all the point.” 

Cloud laughed again, “Go to bed, sleepy lion. Tomorrow morning comes soon enough.” 

“Lions do not take orders from little lone wolves.” Squall sighed, unable to hide how tired he was. 

“Take it as a request then,” Cloud mused, watching him fondly. “I’m gonna say up a little while and reread some stuff i’ve read a thousand and one times.”

“Sounds like you. Fine. I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“Yeah,” 

Squall lifted his phone towards his face to look at Cloud for a moment. “I really will see you tomorrow.” 

Cloud nodded shyly, hiding now behind all that hair. “See you then, Squall.” 

“Love you.” 

“Love you too. Please like me.” 

“I already like you.” 

~

It being Friday was Squall’s excuse to zone out completely. He’d fallen asleep around eleven to Cloud’s voice and had assumed Cloud had ended the call himself. He was filled with nervous excitement throughout the day and it was only Rinoa that knew why. 

“You sure you’re not coming Squall?” Irvine asked as they walked to their cars. 

“I’m sure. Rinoa made me promise to come next time.” Squall said. “That one will be harder to get out of.” 

Irvine laughed, slapping Squall on the shoulder, “Yeah, you’ll try but she won’t have none of that. None of the girls will i imagine.” 

He rolled his eyes, “I don’t even know why. It’s not like i’m key to the rest of you having a good time. I don’t know why they always want me there.” 

“Guess they think you need company,” Irvine mused. “Now you’re super sure about tonight?” 

“Go away, Irvine.” Squall laughed quietly and slid into his car. They wouldn’t actually believe he wasn’t coming until he didn’t show up. 

He headed home first to do a last minute spot inspection. Everything was ready but he was checking anyway. He’d pulled out fresh blankets and made sure the trash had been taken out. There was nothing left to do but he still had two hours before Cloud’s train arrived. It might have taken a little time to get there but he’d be way too early if he left now. 

 

Fenrir (3:57 p.m.): I am so ready to be off this train. I want like... a real bathroom and doesn't making me feel like an idiot. 

 

Fenrir (3:58 p.m.): And to stop jumping every time someone's compartment door opens and shuts.

 

Griever (4:00 p.m.): I was just thinking about you

 

Fenrir (4:01 p.m.): I hoped so… i don’t know where i’m going once i get off this train

 

Griever (4:03 p.m.):I’d never forget you. I’ll be there. Just deciding what time to leave. Are you okay? Tiny bathrooms notwithstanding. 

 

Fenrir (4:05 p.m.): I’m still nervous 

 

Griever (4:06 p.m.): I know that. You don’t have to be. You packed up? 

 

Fenrir (4:08 p.m.): Yep, i never really unpacked anything but my laptop and the few things i needed yesterday 

 

Griever (4:10 p.m.): I’ll get to see you in two hours

 

Fenrir (4:11 p.m.): ^__^ 

 

Fenrir (4:11 p.m.): At least something good came of this.

 

Griever (4:15 p.m.): It’s going to stay that way. You keep the compartment to yourself? 

 

Fenrir (4:17 p.m.): Yeah but the attendant out there has come to check on me twice as often since he saw me yesterday… Fucker

 

Fenrir (4:18 p.m.): Maybe it was the lipstick

 

Griever (4:20 p.m.): ...I know you can defend yourself so i’ll just also call him a bastard… Be careful though

 

Fenrir (4:21 p.m.): It’s not annoying when you worry about me. It's sweet.

 

Griever (4:45 p.m.): Because i know you can take care of yourself… But i’m always going to worry

 

Fenrir (4:47 p.m.): I love you for it

 

Griever (4:49 p.m.) I love you more than anything. I’m leaving to head to the station now

 

Fenrir (5:00 p.m.): Drive safe

 

Squall arrived fifteen minutes before the train had arrived and cursed at himself for driving so fast. He was so convinced that he was going to be late and now that he was early he was forced to think about his doubts. 

What if Cloud really did hate it in Radiant Garden? What if he was still too afraid to be himself? What if Cloud didn’t like really like him? Squall’s own feelings were never in question. He would always love Cloud… 

Eventually he’d tell his friends that Cloud wasn’t just visiting but living with him. He’d have to tell his father too, not that Laguna would care. He’d probably be ecstatic for some reason but that man was always strange. 

Those conversations would probably be hard since none of them understood how real his feelings for Cloud were. To them, Cloud was just a pen pal, and that was already such an outdated idea. 

If the conversations happened though, it meant Cloud had decided to stay with him. It would be worth it. 

Squall jumped when he heard the blare of the train whistle approaching. He stood up from the bench he’d been sitting on and weaved around people either waiting for their own train or waiting for their guest to step off of it like he was. 

He scanned the crowds that left the train and wished he’d thought to ask Cloud what section of the train he was in. It wasn’t as if there were many people leaving the train, had that been the case, Cloud would have ended up sharing his compartment. Instead, people were just standing around on the platform being in the damn way. 

 

Fenrir (6:12 p.m.): A lot of people…. 

 

Griever (6:14 p.m.): Shit, i know… where are you?

 

Fenrir (6:17 p.m.): I am the tallest!

 

Squall looked around, trying to figure out what the hell that was supposed to mean when he spotted a blond balanced on the backrest of a bench, peering around the crowd. His hair was short and his sweater was black. The short hair and the lack of makeup had Squall guessing that Cloud was on a boy day, regardless his nails were always painted black or navy. He was beautiful.

 

Griever (6:18 p.m.): Please don’t fall! 

 

He actually got to watch Cloud reach for his phone and see the small smile that lit up his face while he responded. 

 

Fenrir (6:19 p.m.): Then hurry up! I might! 

 

Squall wandered around through the crowds taking a longer route that had less people standing in the way. When he finally stood in front of the bench, Cloud looked down at him with wide eyes. He hopped down to the seat of the bench and again to the floor until he stood right in front of Squall. 

Cloud was a little shorter, but his hair stood up in spikes. 

“Hey,” Cloud smiled, his hands shaking all the way up to his shoulders. 

“Hey,” Squall said, feeling a strange awkwardness that had never been between them. What did that mean? They’d never been at a point where they had nothing to say, but now they just stood staring at each other. Letters had always been childish and filled with words. E-mails were just fast letters, no big deal there either. Had phone calls been hard? All he remembered was being enchanted by the sound of Cloud’s voice. 

Why was this so hard… 

“This is stupid,” Squall said stepping forward and dragging Cloud into a hug. That hug he’d wanted for years. He was real. 

Cloud nuzzled against his chest and let out a sigh the moment contact was made. “Squall. Fuck i was so afraid something would happen and you wouldn’t show up.” 

“I promised,” Squall buried his face against Cloud’s hair and held on. “I’m so glad you’re here.” 

Cloud’s grip on him tightened and he felt tears against his neck. “Thank you, Squall. For everything.” 

Squall’s heart squeezed and he kissed Cloud’s temple. “Nothing to thank me for. Let’s go home.” He pulled away slowly, wanting to keep holding onto one of Cloud’s hands. “Ready?” 

“Yeah,” Cloud sniffed back his tears and offered Squall a smile. He had a duffel bag, and backpack and a messenger bag that held all his worldly possession. 

It was strange to Squall how he knew what was in each one. The duffel had all of his masculine wear and anything he could shove in there. Toiletries, towels, books, shoes, whatever. The backpack was for his feminine things and makeup and the messenger bag probably housed his journals along with his laptop. He knew Cloud that well. 

“What can i take?” 

“Um?” Cloud shyly offered the backpack. “This?” 

“Cool,” Squall slipped it over his shoulder and took Cloud’s hand again. “Car’s this way.” It only occurred to him halfway to the car that maybe even the hand holding was too much but Cloud gripped back just as tight. They tossed his bags into the car and headed off. Squall had never been so nervous to head home.

“Oh fuck, it’s so pretty here.” Cloud mumbled, looking out the window in awe. “It’s bright here. So dreary and rainy and smoggy at home.” 

It had been a sunny day for sure but Squall could only smile at how the nice weather seemed to put Cloud in a good mood. 

“You want to see something pretty…” Squall commented, taking a turn and driving on. He only had to circle around to get off the highway and pull off to where they could see the sunset. There were easily a dozen colors in the sky and Cloud looked on in wonder. 

“I’ve been here for fifteen minutes and it’s already been the best day ever,” Cloud muttered. “Sunset always like this?” 

“In my experience it’s a little different every time.” 

They drifted off into a comfortable silence and watched until the colors had turned dark and the night sky took over. Squall didn’t offer more words and instead started his car again to take them home. This had really happened, Cloud was really in his car about to go home with him. 

“I don’t know what to say, Squall.” Cloud was the first to break the silence as the car slowed to a stop. “You don’t know how much you’re helping me, how much you’ve always helped me.” 

“Bet i do.” Squall said as he parked. “Cloud, you are my best friend. I haven’t cared about anyone like i do you. I know sometimes you feel guilty and shit but i need you to know you mean everything to me. I wouldn’t invite just anyone to live with me. Just you.” 

Cloud’s face was pink and he fiddled with the ends of his hair. They sat quietly for a minute before Cloud finally inhaled and nodded to himself that he was ready to push on. “This one?” he asked, gesturing to the apartment building. 

“Yeah, second floor.” Squall said, getting out of the car and helping Cloud gather his things. He ended up with the backpack again and showed Cloud inside. He’d need to make sure he gave Cloud his spare set of keys to the building. 

The second they’d walked through the door Squall thought of another ten things he could have done before going to get Cloud but his blond friend seemed happy enough as he looked around the space. The kitchen and the living room divided most of the apartment and a hall closet was the only other door beyond the bedroom and bathroom. 

“So small, but we can make it work.” 

Cloud smiled, “I don’t take up much space.” He set his bags down in the corner of the room and glanced around. “Do you have like, house rules?” 

Squall kept himself from scowling but just barely. He was well aware of Hojo’s fucking rules. “Don’t set anything on fire?” 

“I’m serious,” Cloud laughed and hesitated before sitting on the couch. 

“So am i, fire’s aren’t cool in a small, inside space.” Squall sat beside him. “Look wolf, you and i are a lot alike. We clean up after ourselves decently and we aren’t loud and obnoxious. Neither of us are the kind of people who would throw a spontaneous house party, and would tell the other if we were bringing some friends over. As far as i’m concerned, they’re all common sense rules.” 

Cloud nodded once. “Well i don’t know anyone here but you do i doubt you’ll have to worry about me bringing people over.” 

“Cloud, you’ll meet people. Maybe not tomorrow or this week or whatever but you will.” Squall said quietly, and selfishly hoped it would take just a little while. He wanted to spend time with Cloud before sharing him. Once Cloud started trying to meet people, he'd find good friends.

“Okay.” 

“I’m not Hojo, Cloud. I don’t need to know your every move. I’ll respect your privacy so you don’t have to hide your phone and laptop and books. Yes, i’d love a text if you’re going to be late or something but that’s it. I’m not trying to make this an upgraded prison.” 

“I have never compared you to him,” Cloud reached out and grip Squall’s arm suddenly. “I never meant to imply anything like that, i swear.” 

“I know, c’mere.” Squall muttered, gently tugging Cloud back into a hug. It was the easiest way he knew to comfort someone and for the first time he was able to use it. “It’s okay.” 

He’d always told Cloud that things would get better and that someday things would be different. The words always sounded hollow but they were the best he could offer. He could tell Cloud that he loved him and be there for him, but it was always at a distance. This felt real. 

Cloud slumped against Squall and practically pressed himself against his side. “I was really afraid you’d change your mind.” He muttered against his shoulder. 

“Never will,” Squall ran his fingers through Cloud’s hair. “If i could have put you on a train years ago to come stay with me…” 

“Yeah,” Cloud nodded slightly, face never leaving contact with Squall. “I’m an adult now, nothing they can do. I was too…. I never wanted to ask you…” 

Squall made a soft noise he’d never admit to and didn’t think he could possible hold Cloud any tighter. “I want you here,” He said firmly. It was one way he’d found to help Cloud battle his anxiety. He left room for no miscommunications. “I want you here so bad. If you decide to leave then it will be because you want to.” 

“Promise?” 

“Promise.” He said softly. “Cloud, the space is small. We’re gonna get in each others way and probably on each others nerves. I'll probably get annoyed at where you put the milk and the fridge and you can be pissed when i leave wet towels on the floor. That does not mean i’m mad at you and want you to leave. We’ll get used to it. Please, you gotta tell me something upsets you.” 

“It upsets me that i’m upset,” Cloud sniffed. “Over fucking everything.” 

“That’s the anxiety and it’s okay.” Squall said quietly. “Maybe the new environment will help with that. More sunsets.” 

Cloud smiled faintly, “Does it bother you if i keep clinging to you?” 

“Fuck, no.” Squall muttered. “Cling.” 

Cloud shifted closer until he really was pressed against him. “I wanted this…” The contact held a real weight.

“Me too,” Squall kissed the top of his head. “We’ll find something for dinner in a little while and stay in. We have all weekend to go out if you want to.” 

“You don’t have plans?”

“I do. It’s hanging out with you.” 

Cloud heaved a sigh and sounded like he was banishing all of his nerves for the day. “Nothing has ever sounded so good.” 

“Yeah,” Squall muttered, letting himself revel in the feeling of Cloud beside him. Chances were good that neither of them were going to move until hunger won out. They’d finally met their other half.

**Author's Note:**

> Might continue this... who knows.


End file.
